All Decked Out

Well, we're furiously working on repainting our deck and it's looking pretty darned good. I have to take a minute and tell you what an awesome fantastic brother I have! Jon came up this past Saturday and helped us paint all day! I don't know what we would have done without his help.

This is all in preparation... well... for Dad and Betsy's visit, but even more than that, it's one step closer to getting this house ready to put on the market. It seems like forever before we'll be able to get out of here. We're working on getting out of Northern MN and getting back to the Twin Cities at least for awhile.

So like I said, Dad and Betsy are coming for a visit in... like, 10 days! Holy smokes! We absolutely cannot WAIT to see them and are looking forward to Dad's visit back to Minnesota after his failed walleye fishing expedition from years ago. They're up here, Dad. We promise...

On that note, I'm putting another day to rest. Time for bed!

Two years passed.

I can't believe it's already August. In this busy time of trying to get our house ready for Dad and Betsy to visit, and then put on the market to sell (hurray!), today I stopped the chaos to think of our little angel that we lost 2 years ago today. I was 8 weeks and 6 days pregnant by August 1st of 2006. By the end of the day, I wasn't pregnant anymore.

So today I sat down and wrote a little something for Baby Stratton, who if s/he would have made it to earth, would be 17 months and 14 days old today. Here is a little excerpt:

It's pretty hard to believe that we lost you 2 whole years ago. It was awful and horrible, and it left me with this big old hole somewhere that I didn't know how to fill. I didn't even know it was there until I knew about you. It's always going to be there, but I feel differently now. Not as devastated, angry or bitter, but still very sad. But I just want you to know that even though you were so very tiny, your just being in my world for that short time changed me in ways that I'm so thankful for.

So baby, thank you so much for showing me that it's possible for me to be a mommy. I don't know when it will be (I really wish I did), but you showed me that it can happen. Things might not work out, but it can happen. It's really hard to not have you here with us, but today I just wanted to say thank you for teaching me so much about myself, and about how fragile and miraculous life really is. I think I have a sharper awareness of a lot of things now. Some little things don't bother me quite as much.

I often wonder why you were given to us and then taken away so fast. As much as I'm still very hurt and sad, I realize now that this is a learning process. This is life. Maybe I would have been impatient with you. Maybe I would have gotten angry over little things that really don't matter. Maybe I wouldn't have taken you out in the world and showed you as many things as I would now. I don't know. What I do know is that no matter what, if and when you come back to us, we will be ready. And you can be ready for a beautiful life. I want you to see it all. Until then, I will try and be patient. I'm working on that.

Love,
Mommy.

Did I Really Start One?

I did. I really did start a blog. I'm new at this, so be patient. I'll probably be writing more than Mike, but it really is all about both of us.